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  • Writer's pictureOutlaw Angel

Fear as a Catalyst

Yet another beginning.

It doesn’t take a new year to start a new path. I’ve started over dozens of times. Usually unceremoniously, with my tail tucked like the universe had just swatted me for sneaking that jerky off the truck console. 2023 marks an elevated level of fear and a public reflection of my journey - past, present and future.

What is Outlaw Angel?

Outlaw Angel is the independent child who wouldn’t let her mother help her put on her stockings, shouting “Me do it”. She is the spirited one who shouted back, through tears, time and again, “I will not give up. You just watch.” Ok, so I was generally spitting venom at the universe and not speaking from a collected mind, using language I’ve all but abandoned. I’ve been trying to fit into one mold or another for as long as I can remember. This was made more difficult because I wasn’t “normal” to start with. Coupled with not knowing HOW I was different, and I had a recipe for a rough uphill climb. Outlaw Angel has risen time and again from destruction of her own design, the stubborn energy that refused to die despite staring that option down in the mental, emotional, and spiritual version of a dual.

Outlaw Angel is me and I have come to love this authentic version of myself. She’s been waiting over 40 years for me to peel away the layers of societal pressures, labels and “shoulds” to begin to understand and honor her. To me, an outlaw is someone who is living outside of societal norms and labels. Angels are messengers and I’ve had many in my life. I usually took longer than necessary to listen, but those messengers saved my life by teaching me to challenge my perspective.

Outlaw Angel Community

I don’t have any magical cures for mental health challenges or general life malaise. I am not trained to provide advice beyond my own experience. My singular hope for this project is that the reader finds a catalyst to help them get to the next stage of growth. I have a collection of efforts that pointed me in a new direction, gave me a fresh perspective or granted me a grain of hope - I hope you will find the same in these pages. At the very least, if you don’t see a version of yourself in these pages, perhaps the words here will guide you to a deeper understanding of a loved one. Maybe a loved one with similar obstacles.

What to expect from Outlaw Angel

I have been gathering information, educating myself, following my instincts on several fronts and now it is time to bring the full force of that time to dismantle those constructs given to me before I knew I had a choice. I have dedicated 20 years to stabilizing my mental health for an undertaking of this level. I didn’t know when I first seriously dedicated myself to getting help in 2004 where this journey would lead, but without an understanding of my obstacles and building my toolkit, today would not be possible.

I plan on sharing reflections at least twice a month with the Substack community. Because I have fought the limitations of being able to afford help, I am choosing to offer anything I create on this platform at no charge. The heartbreak of watching someone suffer because they lack the ability to afford care is an experience that I don’t wish on anyone. If you are able to afford a subscription, please consider following that path as it will gift me additional freedom to expand my journey and amplify my effort to support others.

Many paths, many perspectives - one goal

I am grateful for your time and that our paths have crossed. The world is teeming with obstacles and opportunities - may your path bring you peace that spreads to those around you.

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